Somewhere in the Middle of the Season

Unnecessary Coverage

My apologies to the esoteric niche of readers, the past few weeks have been busy with engagements and wedding planning.  So to make an incredibly long story as laconic as possible, I proposed at Magic Kingdom and we planned an entire wedding in ~25 days.  Now with all those details done, it is time to get back to the important things in life, fantasy football and bad jokes.

Now for a little news break before continuing onto the Power Rankings.  This brought to you courtesy of WHSV, a local news station in Craigsville, Virginia.  The Black family has a family tradition of white supremacy, poor Halloween costume choices, ignorant bigotry, and the most inconceivable excuses ever.

Meet Jason Black, the not-so cutest little racist you have ever seen, in his Halloween costume.

Now this is a Halloween Costume inasmuch as it is an official jersey of the most infamous sect of American Racist.  First, the connotation that this is a "costume" is way off.  Quickly searching the Google-machine for "KKK Halloween costume sale," the first website that comes up is "kkklnan.com/robes."  Therefore, the only way to get a KKK costume, is from the KKK themselves.  So, you may ask yourself, why would someone wear such a racially charged "costume?"

Ahhh... yes... the rich family tradition of being the only little Klansman in Craigsville on All Hallow's eve, a rite of passage for the ironically named Black family.  Although, the mother did offer some "motherly" advice, she warned the costume may be negatively received. 

What parental foresight she has, surely the neighborhood bullies will pick on little Justin for his contentious outfit.  Oh wait, he is dressed like the littlest lyncher in the whole wide world, while mommy is probably dressed a "sexy racist" (See White Trash), but wait there's more.  

Wait... what...? Nothing wrong with the Ku Klux Klan... maybe she just isn't familiar with their abundant history of violent hate crimes.  

Well she seems to have the Preschool definition of the KKK understood, but her blatant ignorance allows her to overlook the "other details."  Clearly, the public must be unfamiliar with all the charitable work of the KKK, like raising money and donating to the St. Jude's.  HA..."The St. Jude's," let that farce settle in -  that must have been the last infomercial she saw before giving the interview, but the delivery sounds like Sarah Palin trying to describe all the newspapers she reads. 

In closing, I am going to take a glimpse into the future for the Black family.  In his mid-twenties, Justin still lives at home (likely to be his real future) with his mother, Jessica.  There is a German Oktoberfest being held  in Craigsville and they offer discounts to those who dress "German."  Being that it is "family tradition," Jason decides to dress up as a Nazi, but is told from his mother, "some people are going to be talking about you and saying bad things."  Regardless, Jason wears his Swastika swag to the soiree and explains to everyone, "white is right and supremacy is clemency," adding, "the Nazis raise money every year and donate to the St. Jews."  

Moving on...Rankings brought to you by Local Television Commercials (some real, some fake, who cares).

Week 9 Power Rankings

1)  Cobras   (6-3)

The Bras are one of Thunder Gun's most consistent teams, unfortunately for everyone in the league, the Bras are consistently dominant. They lost top receiver Julio Jones and tight end Owen Daniels in the same week, yet still manages to be tied with the league-leading record of 6-3.  The Bras players are like the Bucks in this Credit Union commercial, injury plagued.  However, their waiver wire pick-ups have paid dividends in the currency of wins.  The Bras have a -35.5 point differential, and continue to win!  A whaaaaaa....inflammable means flammable!?!?

2) Brunost on Fire   (6-3)

Brunost is still on Fire and is not letting up, although, something smells fishy about this team.  They have scored the most points in the league thus far and they have had the least amounts of points scored against them.  The closeness of this team to the league's commissioner carries the stench of rotting mollusks... did someone say fixed?  Noooooo...CLAMBAKE...I guess not.  Either way enjoy this Discount Seafood Warehouse commercial.

3)  Polk High   (5-4)

Polk High has had a very up and down season thus far despite scoring the league's second highest point total.  There is no rhyme or reason to their success and they appear to suffer from Waiver Wire Schizophrenia.  They lead the league in all moves with 28, that's two moves every week of the season.  That is just elephant-shit crazy, or is it simply experiencing nature - visit the Central Florida Zoo and Botanical Gardens to get the full experience.  

4)  Grin City DoWaDiddy   (6-3)

Respect the record, but hate the game.  Grin City is the one of two teams with a 6-3 record while owning a negative point differential.   They are true masters in the art of close victories, with their slimmest of margins coming in Week Nine (slimmest margin of victory in the league's history).  They squeaked by the Shame of Stones by a total of 0.08 points (9 yards was the difference it this game). The Stones were left in utter bewilderment of the efforts from injured running backs Arian Foster and Darren "China Doll" Mcfadden, who scored a combined one and a half points. Wife beating husband in this match-up was bittersweet, like a deal you get at Frankie and Johnnie's, a free box of chicken with a furniture purchase. Wait, there are limits...only a 10-piece box with $1000 purchase, and a 5-piece with any purchase from $200-$999?  

5)  DW   (5-4)

The D Dubs are looking really good at this point of the season, they have one of the highest point differentials in the league, however, that stat doesn't correlate with their record. The Dubs seem to have it all this year and will look to edge their way back into the playoffs.  They are willing to do anything... anything that the ESPN/Rotoworld cheat sheet tells them.  Can they get to the ship with Tony "Scrunchies" Romo, or will they just get worn out and become a useless piece of fabric-covered elastic.  Scrunchies!!!

6)  Game of Stones   (5-4)

The Game of Stones have changed their fantasy strategy for the first time in three years.  They were on pace to start the season with there staple system of starting with an 0-5 record.  Then, come Week Three, they decided to switch things up and go on a four game winning streak.  Time to Fonk to the Future, broach copyright infringement, and see if this team can make their way into the playoffs, or ultimately get run over by a DeLorean.

7)  Ur Walking Laurie   (4-5)

The Walking Lauries have only lost one game this season when scoring 100 points or more, however, the league weekly average hovers around 100 points so this is a stupid statistic.  This is about as dumb as having Jon Gruden and Mike Tirico explain the need for quarterbacks to have large hands to throw a spiral, then continue to explain that the team who scores more points by the end of the game will likely win every time.  The next three games for the Walking Lauries will be a tough task, so far their season has been like the comedy, "Titanic," as seen in the commercial for Audio Video Plus.  If they fail to win any of their next three games, there chances of making the playoffs will be about as good as the harmony at the end of the commercial.

8)  Ramblin' Wreck   (4-5)

The Wrecks were off to the their best start ever, winning their first three games by a combined total of 115.10 points.  However, the Ramblers have been a literal wreck in the last six weeks, with a record of 1-5 during that span.  The Wrecks started the season throttling all systems forward, but have gone in complete reverse-reverse since then.  Look for the Wrecks to get there transmission fixed by Gorgan at Arlen's Transmission.

9)  Don't Tase Me Brony   (4-5)

Despite the Bronys best efforts, they continue to get tased this season.  Yahoo! seems to have it out for Bronys and  JerryTickleMonStars alike, with back to back seasons facing the league's toughest schedules (based on average points against).  The Preseason had the Bronys projected to finish with a 10-4 record, however, they already have five in the loss column.  Recently, they traded for Frank Gore in hopes to turn things around for the final leg of the season, and Yahoo! has the team projected to score the most points in the remaining games.  Granted, projections are absurdly worthless, the season looks all but dead, time for the Bronys to get stuffed at Ojai Valley Taxidermy.  Is that an antelope driving that car...NOPE.

10)  Half Line Hoofers   (3-6)

The season started off like a perfect honeymoon, 2-0, however, last seven weeks have been like readjusting to real life - absolutely painful, going 1-6 in those weeks.  There is no doubt about it, the Hoofers have more losses than Georgia got peanuts.  

11)  Donkey Brains   (3-6)

Donkey Brains have had a rough go at it so far this season, they have had the second most points scored on them, meanwhile they have scored the fifth most points.  Again, statistics are trivial in this fantasy of a game, while the Donkeys continue to dwell in the basement of Thunder Gun Express.  Maybe it is time for the Donkeys to employ the "pull-out method," an innovative technique used at Kelley Plastic Surgery.  A whole new Donkey Brain could only hope to have the success of the Kelley clientele, one patient underwent a life transformation, they got a new job, new boyfriend, AND managed a trip to Canada.

12)  Carlos Dangerously   (3-6)

The Dick Pics are exactly that...total dick pics, once they are out there, you can never get rid of them.  They made there presence known last year with a championship run, but they have fallen into a mid-season slump after a 2-0 start to the season.  The have shamed themselves further with the league's worst ever plopper, managing only 38.98 points in their Week Nine match-up.  Top draft pick, Aaron Rodgers went down with a broken collarbone on his none-throwing arm - this is the second quarterback the Dick Pic's have lost this season due to injury. They recently acquired Russel Wilson and Trent "nobody wants me anymore" Richardson from the Bronies in exchange for Frank Gore. No one knows how the season will pan out, Yahoo! has projected them to score the second least amount of points during the remainder of the season. Expect the Dick Pics to dwindle the rest of their season and stink up the place like the fat sedentary slob in this commercial for Norton's Furniture.  Note: everything about this commercial is creepy.

Week One

Unnecessary Coverage

This week, we will give Florida a break.... Anyways, in other state-side news, Iowa has now approved the issuing of gun permits to the legally blind.  Approved applicants will soon be able to purchase and carry guns in public.  Taking advantage of the new law while in a Bass Pro Shop, blind man, Michael Barber commented, "When you shoot a gun, you take it out and point and shoot, I don't think eyesight is necessary."  However, Michael did struggle to find the camera during the interview, going on to add "facing and talking, is far more difficult."  Well done Iowa... a land where it is illegal for a mustachioed man to kiss a woman in public and one-armed piano players must play for free.

Interviewing is tough, but pointing and shooting, blind-child's play. 

In more or nonetheless interesting news, a technosexual Michigan man by the pseudonym, Davecat, was a feature on the not-so-educational program, "My Strange Addiction."  He is a 40-year old man who has been in dedicated to the same ageless woman, and her girlfriend for almost 15 years.  The fairy tale started when Elena Vostrikova saw Davecat and his beloved partner, Sidore, performing in a production of Guys and Dolls.  Elena immediately fell in love and moved from Russia just to be with them. This strange triumvirate is lead by Davecat, who is the sole bread winner; however, he refuses to feed or even take Sidore and Elena out on dates....mostly because both women are synthetic sex dolls.  Davecat admitted his attraction to 'organic' women, however, "Instead of chasing after the ideal person who either doesn't exist in the first place, or is already with someone else, why not buy a doll,"  adding, "ultimately, getting romantically involved with an organic woman doesn't seem worth it to me."  Furthermore, Sidore and Elena can easily have their bodies replaced after sustaining the poundings they take for 70% of their relationship. Sidore is on her third body replacement, but there may be a time when his love will be beyond repair.  Davecat goes on to say, "I'd be lying if I didn't say that when her body comes close to falling apart through entropy, I'm pretty cut up about it, as anyone would be when facing the mortality of a loved one."  

I believe Lord Tennyson said it best, "It is better to have loved and lost. Than never to have loved a doll."

She doesn't even look like she is listening.

Interesting Notes...

Davecat and Sidore wear matching wedding bands with the inscription, "Synthetik love lasts forever."

The initial purchase was made for two reasons, 70% sexual, 30% companionship. (Davecat, " I thought they were gorgeous creations, and having one would not only dispel loneliness, but be excellent for sex as well. And I was right!")

Technosexual - someone who is attracted to robots, or, attracted to "organic" partners who dress like robots

He has an open relationship with Sidore and Elena, but the dolls have yet to comment.

Referring to a synthetic as a “thing,” or a Doll as a “sex toy,” is demeaning and unimaginative...

Full Interview

Now from one fantasy to another...

Power Rankings

1)  Brunost on Fire  (1-0)

Well, Brunost is indeed on Fire...they were originally projected for 103.47 points in Week One.  However, upon hearing his new nickname, Peyton "Brokeneck Mountain" Manning decided to tie an NFL record, throwing seven touchdown passes and scoring 60.28 fantasy points - while shaming Bronys and Ravens alike.  Thus proving that Brokeneck Mountain is adamantly gay for football.

2)  Polk High 2013  (1-0)

The Polk High Panthers of 2013 came out ready to shred up any competition.  The team formerly known as "Circus Peanuts" came out and dominated Ur Walking Laurie, as if they were Andrew Johnson High School.  Polk High had all but two starters score in double digits, good enough for the "W," but not as good as Al Bundy's legendary four touchdowns in just one game. They are off to a good start, but only time will tell if they can make All-City. 

3)  Ramblin' Wreck  (1-0)

The Wrecks produced the league's second biggest beatdown, winning by a total of 43.58 points - and they didn't have the help of any NFL record setting days.  RGIII was so happy that the Lord cured all his ailments and he was able to return for the start of the 2013 season.  Although, according to his MRI scan, maybe there was some sort of "divine intervention."  All logic points to no, but some find solace in the Lord's fanatical craze with football.

The Unholy Trinity: Jesus, Mary, and Torn ACL

4)  Ur Walking Laurie   (0-1)

Wtih 125.18 points, Laurie would have beat the majority of the teams in the league scoring the 4th highest point total.  Unfortunately, this doesn't matter in head-to-head competition, so the bad luck continues for Laurie, a team that took over a year to determine a team name.  The only thing that hasn't changed is Yahoo's disdain for this team.

5)  Half Line Hoofers   (1-0)

The Hoofers really proved who wears the dresses in this league... and that would be DW.  They didn't need much to beat the Dubs, but they did so in impressive fashion.  All but two starters for the Hoofers out-performed their initial projections, while their opponent under-performed projections in all but a single starter.  Half Line has another favorable match-up in Week two, but Yahoo! predictions are as useful as having a cat for a Mayor.

Stubbs has been the Mayor of Talkeetna, Alaska for 15-years.

6)  Cobras   (1-0)

With the late game Monday night, the Bras were able to come out victorious with the help of a two touchdown performance from Owen Daniels.  The Bras are a team to fear in the future, especially when you account for the miserable performances from top fantasy producers C.J. Spiller and Dez Bryant.  These surreptitious, push-up Bras look really good, there may not be a lot there, but soon enough everyone will be staring at them.   

7)  Don't Tase Me Brony   (0-1)

The Bronys had the misfortune of facing off against Brokeneck Mountain in Week One, leaving the Bronys in a 72-point hole after Thursday night's season kickoff.  If it wasn't for Jared Cook's two touchdown performance, the Bronys would have still lost, but the amount of shame would have increased exponentially...similar to the amount of shame a mother must feel when she realizes her son's insatiable obsession with My Little Pony - dressing in rainbow outfits and attending Brony events far beyond Friendship is Magic's target market.

Grown woman cries at the site of a grown man dressed as a little girl. 

  

8)  Carlos Dangerously   (1-0)

It appears as the love affair between Yahoo! and the Dick Pics is far from over.  The Dick Pics have the easiest schedule overall and it showed in their first week contest.  The Dick Pics needed a mere 95.02 points to come out victorious.  This score is as underwhelming as Sydney Leather's porn career combined with her monotonous efforts to remain "culturally" relevant. 

9)  Grin City DoWaDiddy   (0-1)

Grin City was holding onto a slim lead going into Monday night's game, however, they came out losers.  Their efforts were in no way helped by running back David Wilson, whose 19-yard, two fumble performance was the worst of all fantasy starters in Week One.  Grin City looks to get back to their winning ways, but face a tough Ramblin' Wreck team in their next match-up.  The ominous Yahoo! projecto-robot has them expected to drop to an 0-2 record.  Thus, Grin City may change there name from DoWaDiddy to DoWaShitty with a crappy start to the season.  

10)  Game of Stones   (0-1)

The Shame of Stones are right on track with their fantasy football strategy, only four more games to lose before they make their push for the consolation playoffs.  The Week One loss was in no way helped by the Shames' starters Calvin Johnson and Roddy White, who tallied a total of 5.60.  The NFL hates Calvin Johnson and always makes up calls to have touchdowns removed from his stat sheet - while, Roddy White has admitted to having a high-ankle sprain, an injury that will plague the Stones like Greyscale plagues Westeros - victims are malformed and disabled, but alive.  

11)  Donkey Brains   (0-1)

The only thing worse than the Donkey Brains fantasy performance in Week One was the actual Week One performance of the Raven's defense...or lack thereof.  Somehow, the Ravens D was able to garner 3 points despite giving up 49 points.  However, Baltimore's abysmal performance wasn't the only disappointment, the Donkey's got a combined total of 3.1 points by Maurice Jones-Drew (4.3 points), James Jones (0.0 points), and Brandon Pettigrew (-1.4 points).  Donkey Brains looked more like an Ass after they left Jordy Nelson and his 19 points on the bench, although, they would have still lost regardless of there starting lineup.  For now, Donkey Brains seems lost, or maybe they are just stuck in a turtle's dream in outer space.

12)  DW   (0-1)

The Preseason prediction came to fruition, well done Power Ranker... With the league's "best draft," no other team was as disappointing as DW.  Last week was indeed their time to shine, from here on out it looks like they will be nothing but a sacrificial lamb to Thunder Gun Express.  The only upside to the D-Dubs lowly performance is the highly anticipated porn flick coming soon, to a Catonsville household near you, "Conjoined," a captivating story of conjoined twins and the enigma that is love.

The Season Has Returned

No Hesitation. No Surrender.

 No Man Left Behind!!!

Congratulations to last season's winner

 UHavePermission2Lose  

 eh... i think. 

Unabated Encroachment

During the off-season  Thunder Gun Express underwent a league expansion and has now grown to twelve franchises.  Welcome to the new additions Kellen (Team Name) and Sarah (Half Line Hoofers).  Having undergone such growth, the writer/editor here at Unnecessary Coverage will have to find more time at work to do less work in order to keep up with these weekly-ish updates. In other league news, Unnecessary Coverage is now an international sensation, having been viewed in nine countries on four continents.  This worldwide success can only be attributed to Google, but what has been typed into Google searches to stumble upon Unnecessary Coverage remains a mystery (Unlucky Asstard...I hope).  

Furthermore... Why is Germany beating the viewing in Norway?  

Please explain yourselves Jim and Amy.  

Also, Unnecessary Coverage is pondering a potential move to the #2 viewing country to get a more central location on the global viewing scale.  Currently awaiting word on the German consulate...

Power Rankings

Preseason Edition

Yahoo was nice enough to give draft grades, but why should the highest grade go to a team that is projected to finish 7-7 with a relatively weak schedule?  Therefore, here at Unnecessary Coverage, we (?) must take it upon ourselves (?) to make an equally useless power ranking based off an expertly inane grading system.

1)  DW  (0-0, Finished 2012 #2, 9-5)

Let's face it, DW will be in last place after Week One regardless, so this is the Dub's moment to shine.  D-dubs boasts 5 RB's on their roster, but is projected to finish the season with a pedestrian 7-7 record, finishing 8th in the league (1,428 points overall).  DW drafted their entire starting roster before drafting any bench players - the proverbial glass-jaw of fantasy football.  If D-dubs can remain free of the injury bug, they will be set for expected mediocrity.  DW is one of three teams to draft two team defenses....will this strategy pay off?  Not Likely.  Defense wins championships in real life....not Fantasy.  

2) Half Line Hoofers (0-0, 2013 Newbie)

The first of our two new additions had a fantastic debut draft, but the #2 power ranking isn't solely based on the draft.  The Hoofers also married into the family, Congratulations.  Now that you are in, you will be treated like everyone else....with jovial disrespect and esoteric humor.  Yahoo! has the Hoofers projected to finish 3rd overall with a 9-5 record and scoring a total of 1,411 points.  Half Line will take on the sixth toughest schedule, and if the prognostication comes to fruition, a playoff appearance in a league debut is an accomplishment in and of itself.    Never count them out, like Becky O'Shea in "Little Giants," Ice Box has a chance to level Thunder Gun.  

3) Game of Stones (0-0, Finished 2012 #9, 5-9)

The Stones probably had one of the best drafts in the league, regardless of the Yahoo! projections.  They have a solid set of wide receivers  and a tight end combination that would make Jerry Sandusky's inch-worm quiver.  In the late-rounds, the Stones drafted Heath Miller, who will be Big Ben's only target as his offensive line will ultimately collapses on him every play.  There is only one question mark on the Stones' roster, Darren McFadden, a china doll of a player and the weak point of the team.  McFadden has not been able to remain healthy enough to complete an entire season in his NFL career (5 seasons, 57 Games Played).  It will be interesting to see if the Stones' continue their strategy this season, they are known to start seasons 0-5 before deciding to win some games.  Their schedule ranks eighth in difficulty, but are expected to finish 6th overall, with an 8-6 record and a 1,418 point total.  If they phase-out mid-season, the league will be peppered with frivolous jibber-jabber about the Pittsburgh Steelers and something about six championships.  We get it...the Steelers are a great franchise with a history of winning....blah, blah, blah.  Hearing this is equivalent to having you mother ask if you would like to watch your own birthing video... you know it happened, but it is better to not have to relive the experience.  

4) Cobras (0-0, 2012 Finished #5, 7-7)

The Bras are very robust this year, bouncing all over the place early in the draft - getting the over-the-shoulder-bolder-hold on three wide receivers in the first four rounds.  The Bras have a workhorse in CJ Spiller, but the drop-off in their RB2 could be the annoying prickly tag inside the Bras (assumption, not based on my bra wearing experience).   The Bras have the eleventh most difficult schedule and are projected to finish 5th with an 8-6 record, scraping up 1,420 points along the way.  The Bras could be the pricks in everyone's side-boob.

5) Don't Tase Me Brony (0-0, Finished 2012 #3, 10-4)

The Bronys are all about running backs this year...why... because it looks like they forgot to draft receivers when they were flying off the board.  It remains to be seen if this strategy will payoff, but the same can be said about seeing a grown man with with a rainbow color tail attached to his jeans.  Although, there is some good news, the Bronys have the ninth most difficult schedule and are slated to finish 1st overall with a 10-4 record, amassing 1,424 points along the way.  Can it be done?  Will it be done? Would a 35 year old man wear a full-size Twilight Sparkle outfit in the middle of Baltimore...?  Apparently, it's not entirely impossible...

6) Ramblin Wreck (0-0, Finished 2012 #7, 5-9)

Perhaps Ramblin Wreck should change their name to Scramblin' Wreck after drafting back to back surgically repaired humans in the first two rounds, thus earning a "D" Yahoo! robot draft grade.  The Wrecks will face the second toughest schedule in Thunder Gun Express and are anticipated to win ONE game (1-13, 1,268 points).  Ah WHAAAAA!!!???  The newly married gent goes from one high to a crashing low-blow by the Yahoo! cyborgs.  The Wrecks are loaded with perennial fantasy success stories, maybe the Yahoo! droids got tired of crunching numbers near the end and crapped some lead on this one.  However, in defense of robotics everywhere  the Wrecks drafted another broken human, Michael Crabtree, who tore his ACL in the preseason.  To cap it all off, the Wreck's drafted a literal "Mr. Irrelevant" with Jason Hanson - a player that is currently serving FroYo in Spokane, Washington and enjoying his retirement. 

7) Donkey Brains (0-0, Finished 2012 #4, 8-6)

Donkey Brains had a solid draft despite the Yahoo! grading system, picking up the ever productive first round quarterback, Drew Brees, followed by two fragile running backs.  If Maurice Jones-Drew and Reggie Bush can stay healthy, Donkey Brains looks to be more Brains than Donkey.  However, if they have to resort to back-up running backs Mark Ingram, Fred Jackson, or Knowshon Moreno - they will look more like an Ass.   Either way, Yahoo! robot experts extrapolate that the Donkeys will dominate their weaker schedule, finishing 9-5 with 1,370 points - good enough for 4th place.  

8) Team Name/Circus Peanuts (0-0, 2013 Newbie)

Arguably the worst Team Name in the history of Thunder Gun Express, but that remains TBD...  In their incipient stage of being in the league, they showed only a lack of creativity in their "Team Name." Although, "Circus Peanuts" followed through with a solid overall draft, gaining the first "SNICKERS" steal of the draft and winning a free bag of Circus Peanuts.  Their league inception will be greeted with the fourth most difficult schedule, proving a path to the playoffs will be a tough proving ground.  With an estimated 8-6 record and 1,371 point total, "Circus Peanuts" would finish in 7th place. 

9) Brunost on Fire (0-0, Finished 2012 #10, 3-11)

Does brown cheese on fire stink...?  Expert Yahoo! robots seem to think so.  Although, with the third toughest schedule and a forecasted 7-7 record doesn't bode well for Brunost.  However, 9th place  seems respectable in comparison to last year's plopper.  Included in the report was the useless statistic of the Brunost roster having the most combined NFL experience (as if the veterans mattered in fantasy football), boasting an average of 7.6 seasons in the league.  However, 142 of those years came form brokeneck mountian, Peyton Manning and 65 year old Tony Gonzalez.  Sounds like Brunost will need a walker.

10) Grin City DoWaDiddy (0-0, Finished 2012 #6, 8-6)

Yahoo! headlines, "After some early gambles, Grin City DoWaDiddy looks DESTINED for the bottom of the Standings."  Going on to add, Grin City has the tenth hardest schedule, now, this just doesn't make sense.  A season ago, Grin City just missed the playoffs, and with an anticipated record of 5-9 (1,343 points) they would finish 10th overall.  They drafted their entire starting bench before picking up bench players, but they picked a stout starting offense - only injuries and a few bad bye weeks could hurt this team.  

11) TBD (0-0, Finished 2012 #8, 7-7)

Between two fantasy drafts in a single day, TBD received report card grades of a C- and a D....another team that Yahoo! robots have destined to be bottom dwellers (Totally Bad Drafter...?).  They will face Thunder Gun's toughest schedule and are expected to fail in all but two games, finishing 2-12 (1,307 points), bad enough for 11th place.  Yahoo! hates TBD and their team name... last season they finished 8th overall, but had the 3rd most points, now they face a large uphill battle.  Perhaps they should change their name to Sisyphus.  

12)   Carlos Dangersously (0-0, Finished 2012 #1, 8-6)

Carlos Dangerously, A.K.A. "Dick Pic," will be placed in last place because they won a season ago, and they wanted to call their team "The Odds I Successfully Defend My Fantasy Football League Title While Writing My Dissertation Are 0%."  Apparently, Yahoo! wanted the Dick's back in the playoffs, awarding the Dick Pic's the league's first pick and gave them the easiest schedule   Also, the Dicks are in cahoots with Snickers, getting a Snikers award for drafting Danny Woodhead....the only things Snickers and Dick pics have in common are nuts.  The Dicks are expected to finish 2nd, with a 10-4 record and scoring 1,409 points during the season.  

What do the two above pictures have in common...? 

Hint: Richard Pick, Anthony Weiner

Criminal Quiz

Criminal Quiz Extra Credit