Unnecessary Coverage
After hurricane Sandusky molested the east coast of the United States, Election Day came and went, but not without a conspiracy. U.S. News printed a story with a source claiming the monster storm was created by the PRESIDENT. Meanwhile, in Italy, SIX GEOLOGIST were sentenced to six-years in prison after being convicted of manslaughter for not properly predicting a large earthquake after tremors hit the town of L’Aquila.
Both stories defy logic and science - humans cannot control the weather, nor can they accurately predict the degree and timing of earthquakes. However, these aren't the only shocking and stupid events to happen in the world. The University of North Carolina Chapel Hill and ESPN trumped the flat out crazy with pure unadulterated drek.
The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill tops this week with two embarrassing stories for the Tar Heels, who should shamefully be tared and feathered. To start, star wide receiver for the Tar Heels, Erik Highsmith, was found guilty of plagiarizing a blog project for his communications class using entries he found on ThinkQuest, a website used and written by 11-year old students.
The second travesty to come from the University of North Carolina was one of the most ridiculous stories to be read by any conscious and logical mind. The University has dropped the term “freshman” from their official documents and will be replaced by “first year student.” This move was done in a trite and politically correct fashion to avoid using "gender sensitive language." However, there has been no word yet on the term “senior,” a homophone of the Spanish word “senor,” a gender-specific term. Then again, the university may refrain from using the word “homophone” as the prefix may promote gender-curiosity.
Power Rankings
1 - JerrysTickleMonStars (7-3)
This year has been a lucky year for the MonStars, not so much for Jerrys. The MonStars are winners of three straight, two of those wins were by a combined total of 15.90 points. The MonStars were lucky to get through all their bye-weeks with waiver wire players 4-2 with four games remaining. Look for the MonStars to continue to haunt Thunder Gun Express again...and again...and again... like dropping the soap in a Second Mile shower.
2 - TBD (5-5)
Sadly, Week Ten was the first time since Week Three TBD didn't score more than 112 points. Weeks Six through Nine, TBD averaged 150.47 points per game and continues to be one of the league’s hottest. After starting the season 0-4, TBD has won five straight, before losing their fifth game in Week Ten. Looks like TBD has gone from the dumpster to dumping on the entire league. TBD has transformed from Tiny Baby Droppings to Torrential Behemoth Defecation.
3 - Grin City DoWaDiddy (7-3)
Grin City has the least amount of points against in the league, however, a most fortunate schedule has resulted in a healthy 7-3 record - good enough for second place. This sophomoric surprise has surreptitiously squeaked by sealing four successive victories after a 3-3 start. Three of those four games, opponents failed to score more than 100 points, either way, respect the record.
4 - Cobras (6-4)
The Bras have scored the most points in the league, but are sitting atop two teams at 6-4 - a very good looking third place team. Some bad luck has stifled the Bras as they have lost two of their last four by a total of 9.68 points. Had the Bras started Chris Johnson in Week Nine, a player who has scored 11.40+ points since Week Six, it would have propelled the Bras into the win column. That same week, the Bras even picked up Sidney Rice on game day, only to have him sit on the bench - another player, if started, would have changed the course of the game. However, all was forgotten in Week Ten, where the Bras posted the second highest score in the league...ever (0.78 less than the all-time record.5 - UHavePermission2Lose (4-6)
Sadly, the Losers were hit with another loss in Week Ten, but it was bound to happen with a Green Bay bye-week. The previous week, the Losers were "all systems go," and the Losers won in a most dominating performance, but when asked for comment, no one understood their muddled English accent. They either said, “behold,the instrument of your liberation,” or, “truth be told, I use trumpets for masturbation.” The Losers are 4-6, on the outside looking in – time to start growing the rally throat-beard for "Luck."
6 - I’m Always Angry (5-5)
The Angry’s scored the third most points in Week Ten, but unfortunately faced the Bras, who scored the league's most this week. Now, losers of four straight, the Angry's averaged 85.10 points Weeks Six through Nine, suffering the biggest blowout award two of those weeks - causing much anger. By the beard of Oden, I’m Always Angry has hit the century mark in points once since Week Five. Looks as though I'm Always Angry is haunted by the Woodland Trolls of Norway sitting at 5-5. The Draft Day Projections had I'm Always Angry going 11-3 this season, but then again those same projections had the JerrysTickleMonStars going 1-13.
7 - Ramblin’ Wreck (4-6)
As of Week Nine, The Wreck's have dropped two of their last three games, despite averaging 125.35 points - third best in the league during that span (TBD (157.10), Bras' (125.77). However, The Wreck's were able to rebound this week against another 3-6 team, Touchdown Cheesus - a team suffering the ten plagues of Egypt simultaneously. It is more likely that the Wrecks will play spoiler than contender this year, but cannot officially be ruled out of the playoff picture.
8 - DW (6-4)
The Dubs are like a fat kid in t-ball, everyone quietly roots for him and eventually the chubby one gets the ball past the pitcher's mound. This year the Dubs are loping some out of the infield. A season ago, the Dubs were 2-8 through ten games, averaging 120.41 points a game. Currently, the Dubs are 6-4 and averaging 109.11 points per game. Maybe the apocalypse is among us - worse is better and better is worse.
9 - Game of Stones (3-7)
The Shame of Stones have the worst fantasy strategy, and may be the only team in the history of fantasy football to start consecutive seasons with 0-5 records. The odds of the Shames going undefeated the remainder of the season is just as likely as starting a third straight season 0-5...can't rule it out, but I'll be surprised if it happens.
10 - Touchdown Cheesus (3-7)
Thou shall not claim to be a false prophet and Thou shall not make the playoffs this year. The fall from grace has been a sad one as Cheesus has only won one game since Week Two. Cheesus has picked up Mark Sanchez and John Skelton for their Week Eleven match-up, a sentence I never thought I would ever write. Sadly, Brett Favre isn't available to rescue the Chosen Cheddar.
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